My Stream of Conciousness...

Got some things on my heart that I don’t know how to deal with… And I don’t even know how to express it… I’ve never been so sure of things and so confused at the same time. In my professional life, I’m SO sure. In my personal life I don’t have a clue as of how to deal. So as of recent I have been throwing myself into my career aspirations. Being that I graduate in 70 some odd days I know what I want to do with the next step in my life. I’ve filled out job application after job application and I won’t stop until I get yes. I’m so optimistic about everything and every one else’s life but when it comes to my personal life I can’t be positive and it’s hard. I know God has great things in store for me and I just have to wait. With recent developments it just makes me wonder if I’ll ever get what I want.

Its hard to listen to others take what I don’t have for granted. Been throwing myself into any and everything that I can so that I don’t have to sit still and think about things. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop and of course he only wants you to think about what you don’t have. So instead I focus on the brighter things in my life and the things I do have. Great friends, a bright future, a job interview in the morning, finances straight, and a graduation llooming on the horizon. Who could be unhappy with this life?

A beautiful poem by the lovely Miss Jill Scott

Clearly I am not a fat ass
I am active brain
and lip smacking peach deep
sometimes too aggressive in its honesty
and heart sweet
that loves whole-ly and completely
whom it may choose
whom ever it may choose

I am not gonna lie and passify
I am arms to hold
I am lips to speak
I am a muthafucking “G”

Strong legs that stroll off the 33 bus
or out of a money green Phantom confortably
Knees that bend to pray
clean from Ajax washings
hair that is thick and soft
Thigh that be-twixt
an amazing all expense grand prize

I am eyes that sing
smile that brightens
touch that rings
and supply euphoric release
I am a Grand Dame Queen Beast

I am warm
I am peace
From the roads of Botswana to 23rd Street
From the inside third eye
ever watching this wicked wicked system of things
I do see

I am friend to pen
and a lover of strong women
A Diamond to men
I am curious and interested like children
I welcome the wise to teach
appreciator of my culture
Thick not just from bone dense and eat

I have a rhythm in my ways

and a practice in my seek
and yes I do crave the rhythm of my space
with a man that rejoyces in God’s Grace

with faith I do hear to listen
two hands that fist
when forced pushes to shove
and your ego won’t submit

I am gifted
I am all of this
and indeed the Shit

Clearly I am not just an ass